the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
