He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
