The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
