Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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