He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
