Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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