at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
