i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
vagina is talking i cant
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize