You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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