someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
