I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
