there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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