I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
