A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
