Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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