Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The feeling are messing with the penis
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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