im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
