I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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