well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
