bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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