Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
