Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
They have beer where we have blood.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
