So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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