Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
