After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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