You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
