Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
