I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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