i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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