She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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