Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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