i may or may not be watching the land before time
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
