i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Farmville is her only friend.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
