he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
