i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
