his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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