i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize