Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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