How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
it's like iHOP with fire
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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