weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
