yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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