how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
