I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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