Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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