He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
