Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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