drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize