Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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