he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
