have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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