You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
