So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
