awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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