How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
