I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
