My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
