porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
