She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
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