I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
