after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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