You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
When are your genitals available?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
