But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
foreskin is a definite game changer
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
