How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
