have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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