And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
How naked do you want me to be?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
