You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
