im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
