when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Randomize
