So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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