I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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