Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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